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theonion:

Nation’s Schools To Ensure Bullied Transgender Students Hide In Stalls Of Bathrooms Corresponding To Biological Sex

WASHINGTON—Reversing federal guidelines to public schools issued by the Obama administration, Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced Thursday that states and local school districts would be charged with ensuring that bullied transgender students hide in bathroom stalls corresponding to their biological sex. “We need to make certain that harassed transgender students are fleeing to bathrooms consistent with the sex they were assigned at birth so that they can sit perfectly still with their feet pulled up on a toilet seat in an appropriate setting,” said Sessions, adding that transgender youths did not have the right to avoid imminent bodily harm in any bathroom stall they wanted. “If a student wishes to cower in a stall and muffle their sobbing because of the beating they’re certain to receive if discovered, they are welcome to—but only in facilities intended for their biological sex.” At press time, a number of transgender students told reporters they would have no choice but to leave campus in order to hide in bathroom stalls several times a day.